13 rules of happiness in family life (Part 1)

How to coexist together happily? The secret of family harmony lies in these 13 points. For those who do not want to spend money on state fees for divorce

I have several acquaintances who have been married and married so long ago that, in my view, they are woven together in the likeness . And since I have the pleasure of observing these lucky people regularly, I can guarantee that all these couples follow a certain code of conduct. No, not even that. This code is honored by one of the pair. And the second, whatever his habits, attitudes and character, as a result he is bound hand and foot, paralyzed and completely happy with this state of affairs.

So, if for any reason you are interested in the recipes of guaranteed family consent, take a closer look at the following rules. Perhaps, they will seem idiotic to you only at the first reading.

Rule number 1

Family is not a place for discussion.

You can be deeply convinced that Tarantino is a million times cooler than Burton, and raccoons are more fun than possums. But if your young lady passionately insists on the opposite opinion – agree with her. In the end, raccoons and tarantines – this is the last reason for the division of property, and the frequent disputes about extraneous trifles – this is a fungus that eats away the foundations of your family life. We automatically train in the ability to insist on our own in sparring with loved ones, and 10-15 small skirmishes per day is the norm for any couple. We argue for the sake of argument, for the sake of inability to deny ourselves. We generally believe that this way of talking is the only interesting one, but as a result, our subconscious mind learns to see in our dear person a constant opponent for any reason, which at one point is no longer expensive, but alien and unpleasant, causing a strong desire his ears to the pot of soup. We need it? To hell with raccoons! You’re absolutely right, dear!

Benefit

The absence of the habit of constantly gnawing each other over trifles is an extremely good thing for relationships. And the ability to maintain your opinion, keeping it, however, with yourself at the wrong time, will be a pleasant skill for any other relationship, even business. This is called “good parenting,” and once rich parents paid big money to governess, who could instill it in noble offspring.

Rule number 2

No matter where a floor lamp stands

But disputes are not only abstract, but also having some relation to reality. Where to go on vacation, what to buy for dinner, where to put a floor lamp. Strangely enough, but with strict observance of rule No. 1, battles around serious issues also lose their intensity. When you do not have the habit of beating your heads for any reason, you are much more willing to compromise. Especially since you do not have negotiations – you actually have the same goals: relax normally, eat well and live in a comfortable apartment. If the goal still turns out to be slightly different, then imagine big scales, on one side of which a floor lamp swings in the “right” corner, and on the other – peace and quiet in the family. Now make a choice. In my family of friends, according to my observations, there are just piles of things on the first cup, but they still cannot drag the arrow to their side. It doesn’t matter who again didn’t screw the cap on the toothpaste, from which place the hands grow and who spent the money on the goldfish deposited on the folder. The maximum that happens here is a smile and such a good-natured shake of the head: “Well, okay.”

Benefit

When caring attitude towards each other becomes an absolute priority, irritation weakens due to the fact that some things are not going the way you wanted. Happy people from birth are fully endowed with this gift: they are able to masterly shut their eyes to any everyday turmoil and even to the shortcomings of their neighbors and receive sincere pleasure, making happier relatives and friends. But even if you were not able to be born with this magic machine in the genocode, you can try to cultivate it in yourself.

Rule number 3

If you are forced to do what you do not want, do it calmly and cheerfully.

“Since I was dragged to this party, I will sit there gloomily and lonely – let it not be done to me another time.” “I, of course, will nail this regiment right during the match, but I will hiss and swear all the way and even pick myself up with a hammer on my finger, so that someone would understand that she is wrong!” The result is a loss in three parameters at once. First, you still do what you didn’t want. Secondly, you forbid yourself to get some pleasure from the process and the result, but it was not so impossible. Thirdly, instead of gratitude to you, she now feels irritated. Bingo!

And what you considered to be a gain, in fact, is also a loss. Yes, the next time she thinks well before asking to force you to something. You yourself understand how it is nutritional for a particularly gentle relationship to you.

Benefit

But if you spend the whole coronation of the winners of the cat show with a smile on your face and never faint from existential angst, you will get all the laurels of a noble husband. And the next time, having heard your “Can I stay home anyway?”, she will also try to treat you with understanding.

Rule number 4

Feel free to praise

She cooked a delicious soup? She cooked soup that tastes like real soup? She cooked some thing that burned the pot, broke the window, went down the fire tube and entered the foreign legion? Listen, why do you need to search for some abstract and boring truth? Say: “Well done!” Say: “And you know, not bad at all!” Say: “You are the best.” And yes, do not be afraid that now this soup will always be with you. Believe me, she understands no worse than you, that turned out to be rubbish and she needs to do something with the recipe. But in the world, unfortunately, there are very few people who will praise her for everything she does. Cool, if you become such a person.

Benefit

You made her a pleasure – she experienced a slight surge of sympathy for you. And for this, it only took to move his lips. And in general, the skill of disingenuous, but convincingly praise is an important skill in many professions. And here is such a great simulator for round-the-clock exercises!

Rule number 5

Ask less often, help without asking more often.

The best thing alone is the ability to control yourself, your actions and your time. In the best pairs this freedom is preserved. We are tired – voluntarily or involuntarily – of constant requests, commands and orders. No matter how correct and justified they may be, in the end they begin to cause us protest and irritation. Try to ask and demand as little as possible. Even requests to transfer salt or serve a cup from the buffet are best to be minimized. And in order not to fall victim to demanding pressure yourself, try to anticipate expected requests. Ask yourself to go to the store, cook dinner, help with work. So you will not feel like an errand boy, but the master of the situation.

Benefit

In fact, we do not like not only to fulfill someone’s constant requests. Adult representatives of homo sapiens also do not like to make requests: it always slightly humiliates the one who asks. The less “asked-made” relationships will be in your pair, the less stress both will have.

Rule number 6

Never scream. Never ever

A cry is an emotional reaction caused by two emotions: fear and aggression. Of course, you can periodically experience them in the midst of the heavenly bliss of your family life. But here to demonstrate their partner in any case is not necessary. Otherwise, she will feel them and copy them, and thus, from a random cloud in your horizon, they have every chance to turn into a real thunderstorm ridge. Because we all know what a strong relationship is about: respect, trust, and reckless sex. So, the cry exactly spoils the first and second, not making the third better.

Benefit If she screams at you, this is a little less sad, since her fear does not humiliate her in your eyes, and her aggression, I would like to believe, does not frighten. Responding to her in a calm voice, with a probability of 95 percent, you gradually teach her to sort out the relationship, not to compete in decibels. Even if her mom and dad always talked in such a way that they blocked the jet engines of the neighboring airbase, over time you will have your own rules of dispute. True, if she continues to shout regularly and squeal in response to your quiet rustling – this is a very sad call. Because this is the behavior of a sociopath – a person with strong violations in the field of communication and social adaptation.

To be continued!