6 steps after a breakup that will save you from mistakes in a new relationship

Before looking for love, you have to learn to live alone and work on yourself.

1. End your previous relationship

If you moved things to another apartment, put a divorce stamp in your passport, or officially announced the separation on social networks, this does not mean that the relationship is over. They continue as you revisit the situation over and over again, revisit photos, spy on your former love on the Internet. It will not be possible to quickly forget about the past; it takes a period of time.

When a flower is transplanted into another pot, at first it withers away in new conditions, although there is more space here and the soil is better. It needs time to get used to and flourish. People are more complex, so you need it.

Tune in to taking care of yourself first and take your time. Move at your own pace. If you don’t get through the pain of previous relationships, new ones will only add problems.

2. Recover from injury

Breaking up is a trauma for both parties involved. It doesn’t matter who the initiator was, why you broke up, whether there is reason for joy and relief. It will hurt. Being brave and pretending you don’t care is not the best choice. Ignoring the problem, mental wounds cannot be healed.

3. Work on self-esteem

Parting hurts self-esteem. You may doubt your attractiveness, scold yourself for not being able to keep the relationship, feel guilty. All of this makes you vulnerable. You can jump into new relationships to prove to yourself and past love that you are still hoo. Or, on the contrary, to be afraid that no one will love you anymore, and start dating just anyone.

It is possible that you will not be looking for a person, but for a function – someone who will help you to forget, survive, will become different from past love. And it’s not a fact that such a relationship will help you recover and be productive.

When you end a long-term relationship, it takes time to understand the new rules of the game. You haven’t flirted in earnest for a long time, you’ve grown older. Past templates no longer work. We’ll have to figure out what has changed in the world and how Tinder works.

4. Learn to live alone

In a long relationship, you somehow rub against your partner, somewhere yielding to him, somewhere giving up your desires and habits. Loneliness is a great opportunity to go back to the original version of yourself. You will not be able to reset your personality to the basic settings, and it is not necessary: ​​you have matured, gained experience and changed. Now you can afford to decide on your own desires, plans and aspirations without regard to the opinion of your partner.

The halves theory sounds pretty. But it’s better to come into relationships whole and build them with the same self-sufficient partner.

5. Work on bugs

The breakup usually has some reason, even if you split up peacefully and without tragedy. In order not to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship, you need to understand where you turned the wrong way. And this is not at all about how to reshape yourself to a generally accepted standard. On the contrary, you have to understand yourself and accept yourself in order to choose more suitable people.

Also, pay attention to possible mistakes in interaction with a partner. There are some things that are easy to learn. But many ignore them, because they simply do not think that it was possible that way. For example, it is not necessary to demand telepathic abilities from a partner, and then be offended that he could not read his thoughts. If you accept that this is not possible, and express your desires and feelings, life will become much easier.

6. Don’t get hung up on relationships

Don’t make finding new love an end in itself. Even if you’ve done a lot of work on yourself, striving for relationships for the sake of relationships is a weird idea.

How did you go through the breakup? Share your experience in the comments.