HOW TO STOP SWINGING WITH A GIRL OVER DOMESTIC DUTIES?
Raise your hand for those who love to do the dishes. How about washing and hanging clothes? While some people do enjoy household chores (they do exist), most of us force cleaning.
When you live alone, everything is as simple as possible: you also have to eliminate all the mess that you have created. But when you move out with a girl or have a neighbor (or roommate) in your apartment, unwashed mugs, a dirty stove or toilet, scattered socks and debris can cause conflict, and in some cases even lead to a breakup.
- Find a balance
The times when a man could only be a “breadwinner” and a woman a “keeper of the hearth” are irrevocably gone. Today, the patterns of relationships and the distribution of responsibilities at home can be very diverse, and your task with your friend is to find one that suits both of you.
If none of you wants to devote yourself entirely to maintaining cleanliness in your home, and you both work (by the way, “sitting” at home with children is also a full-time job), then it would be fair to divide the responsibilities in half.
- Talk about your priorities
What is really important to each of you? Talk about it. Many at this point find themselves looking at doing household chores differently. There are those who don’t care about the mess at all, and those who can’t sleep with a dirty plate in the sink.
It is important to define your expectations and needs as soon as possible, and then find a compromise that suits both. Here are some tips to discuss:
Homemade food, fast food or delivery? How often and how many of you will cook?
How often should you wash your sink, tub and toilet?
How often should the stove and other kitchen surfaces be washed?
How often do you both like to change your bedding?
How often should you vacuum your apartment? Do you need wet mopping after this?
Do the dishes need to be washed immediately after eating, or can they be left and washed at the end of the day all at once?
Which is better: a short daily cleaning or a full day of tidying up once a week?
What is the most convenient way for you to shop?
This is just the beginning of a list of questions that you both should give your opinion on. Try to remember what everyday little things most often lead to disagreements, and discuss exactly what caused the conflict.
- Assign responsibilities
Sit down together and make a list of things each of you hates doing. For example, you hate ironing, and she – washing dishes. Well, perhaps you can exchange these responsibilities with each other.
If you both hate the same chore, then find a way to compromise on that particular unpleasant task. For example, having played it by drawing lots, say, for a week. Then you will change.
Or perhaps you could take on this awful job as a team – it will be faster and more fun.
- Agree on a work schedule
It is important to be attentive to the individual schedule of each of you. Someone is an early bird, someone is an owl, and you cannot impose on your partner the performance of duties at a convenient time for you.
Forcing each other to do chores at a time when one of you is completely unprepared for it only creates tension. So discuss this point too.
- Make changes to agreements and help each other
After assigning responsibilities and scheduling, remember that these agreements are not set in stone once and for all. In the process, you can understand that the initial conditions for some reason are not very comfortable for you. Feel free to initiate a conversation about household chores every month or two, share your feelings with each other, change something.
Also, remember that work, illness, appointments, and commitments outside of your couple can always interfere with your routine. Always let your partner know if you cannot fulfill some household chores. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or refuse to help someone else.
- Be flexible
If some of you fail to fulfill your promises to do your part of the housework, try together to find out what is the reason for this reluctance. Sometimes one partner overestimates or underestimates the time it takes to get something done.
Instead of swearing about this, adjust the schedule and list of responsibilities of each party as needed, as we said in the previous paragraph. Be flexible and let the girl solve problems in her own way. If it is very important for you that the towels are folded in a certain way, then do it yourself.
