Is it possible to keep a relationship at a distance and how to do it
How to cope with business trips, studying abroad and, of course, a pandemic when you are facing a long separation.
What is the complexity of such a relationship
In fact, there can be many problems. Here are the main ones.
- Lack of attention
It is easier to show concern and support a person in a difficult situation when they are around. You see each other every day, dine at the same table and discuss how your day went. You have a common life, you are physically together and can hug or kiss your loved one. Distance, however, deprives these joys and creates a kind of abyss.
This becomes a common cause of resentment, quarrels and jealousy on the part of one or both of the participants in the relationship.
- Sexual needs remain unmet
Everyone has a different sex constitution. But in a couple, one way or another, stability appears: often or rarely, but there is sex. When it suddenly disappears, problems can begin. The need remained, the ability to satisfy it disappeared. Because of this, quarrels and outbursts of jealousy can arise, which, again, will cause new scandals.
- The pressure of external circumstances interferes
Friends or girlfriends plan joint leisure activities with their beloved, spend holidays together, go to the movies and share all the romantic news with you. It’s not surprising to get depressed.
Unsurprisingly, nearly half of all long distance relationships end in breakups. But do not get upset ahead of time – many still have a chance of success.
How to keep your relationship at a distance
- Protect each other
It is very important to be careful with your partner. Any sharp word or dismissive tone can offend, but you will not be able to come up, apologize and hug your loved one right away. You should also not provoke a companion into jealousy and cause unnecessary speculation about what is not in reality.
The further you are from each other, the more difficult it is to resolve conflict situations. That is why it is better to avoid them.
- Maintain closeness
You need to compensate for live communication: call up, correspond. It is necessary to share news, experiences and emotions with your partner as often as possible.
The main challenge is to maintain a sense of closeness, community and trust.
This does not mean that you are obliged to provide a minute-by-minute report on your actions on a daily basis, but it is not worth getting off with dry “everything is fine”. The person on the other end of the line should feel like an important part of your life.
- Respect your partner’s feelings
One may experience separation more easily than the other. And at some point, for some of you, living in a long-distance relationship can become unbearably difficult. It is important to immediately understand and accept this. If you, unlike your partner, have not yet had time to get bored, you do not need to say: “Come on, it’s only been a week.” Don’t discount other people’s feelings – show understanding instead.
The phrases “I told you that it will be so” or “I cannot return earlier, enough to raise this issue” will only make it worse. You need to look for solutions and as often as possible show that you are not indifferent to the feelings of another and you just as much want to see your loved one as soon as possible.
- Add lively emotions to communication
The tone of the message can be misinterpreted, and the smiley face with a heart hardly conveys how much you love the person. Therefore, to avoid misunderstandings and add life to communication, combine correspondence, calls and video conversations.
This is especially true for resolving conflicts and discussing difficulties – do not do this in the messenger, use video communication.
- Schedule “meetings”
It will be easier for you to adapt to separation when the exact time of the next “meeting” – a video call – is known in advance. Choose a convenient time of the day, when neither you nor your partner are busy, so that you can have a leisurely conversation without being distracted by anything. On weekdays, for example, set aside an hour after work, on weekends – at any suitable time that is convenient for each of you. Difficulties can arise if there is a significant difference in time zones, but even so, everything is doable.
- Spend the holidays together
These days, the longing of loneliness can be stronger than ever. If you have a chance to meet, use it on the holidays.
Try to spend “dangerous” periods together. These are various family holidays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and so on.
- Come up with your rituals
These can be words you put in a hidden meaning that only the two of you can understand, paper letters or postcards sent from every new location, or even phone sex. You can, for example, agree to share photos right after waking up or before bed, so you don’t forget how nice it is to wake up and fall asleep together. Or send in quotes from novels and favorite books that describe your feelings and emotions. Dream together and find the one that suits your couple.
- Do not shift responsibility to someone else
It so happened: you have to live separately. And no need to blame anyone, because you both agreed to it. Therefore, the reproachful “We live this way because of you” should not be allowed.
Such a swing is exhausting and deprives steam of energy. And it is not easy to maintain a fire at a distance.
- Trust
This is important for any relationship. Demanding proof of fidelity, checking social media, and tracking likes from strangers signal a lack of trust. You need to learn to cope with the surging emotions and understand that speculation may have nothing to do with reality. And also to realize that your today’s experiences (if you don’t dwell on them) will pass tomorrow.
- Discuss the issue of sex
Some couples come to an agreement and allow short relationships on the side. Others discuss in advance that they do not want to know anything about infidelity if they do not affect the quality of the relationship in any way. For others, cheating is taboo. And it is important to discuss the topic of sex, to come to a common denominator, before you agree to a distance relationship.
However, you cannot control your partner (read the previous paragraph), so you have to rely on the fact that each of you values the union equally.
- Assess the situation
You learned that your partner went to the movies or dined with someone else at a restaurant. It hurt you, you are jealous and worried. This happens, and your task is to find out the reason and openly discuss the situation.
Sometimes dinner is an attempt to get attention, social “stroking”, to feel significant and attractive, to escape from loneliness for a while.
Perhaps your relationship is not in danger. Or vice versa – the partner has fallen in love, and he is tormented by doubts. You better deal with this right away and evaluate whether this union can be saved, or vain attempts will only aggravate the relationship, and it’s time to end it.
Any relationship is work. Distance adds a lot of new challenges. But if you truly value the union, even temporary separation cannot destroy it.
