How to share household chores to avoid quarrels and not ruin your family

Be fair and compromise.

What’s the problem?

The phrase about a love boat that crashed about everyday life is not just a cliché. Almost a third of families have serious quarrels over the distribution of household responsibilities. 8% of them get divorced due to disagreements in everyday matters.

Unfortunately, statistics do not tell exactly what problems couples face, but it is not difficult to guess. Household responsibilities are shared unfairly.

And what are the consequences?

There are many more potential problems here than simply creating a sense of injustice.

A woman does not have time for rest, entertainment, self-development, communication with her husband, in the end. She is often tired, irritated, sad. Insomnia, nervousness and even depression are not excluded. In an effort to reduce her workload, a woman may choose a less difficult, but at the same time, less paid job. Accordingly, the husband will be forced to work harder, which is fraught with nervousness, insomnia and depression for him.

Unfair distribution of responsibilities leads to the fact that women, on average, may be slower to climb the career ladder or even lose such ambitions.

If you emerge from the world of scientists, this is quite a practical problem. Lack of money is the most common reason for quarrels and divorces. Two full-fledged salaries and a fairly divided life provide a better quality of life than the results of the work of two people who are tired and do not understand each other. And a misunderstanding will arise sooner or later: it’s difficult to stay on the same wavelength if you don’t have time for each other.

So how should responsibilities be divided?

There are no hard and fast rules. Either option is good if both of you are comfortable and you agree so. But the problem is that people’s ideas about the conduct of life and the distribution of responsibilities may differ, and not everyone is discussing this issue. Therefore, you need to talk about them honestly and in an adult way. Here are some tips to make the process easier.

1. Make a real list of household chores

There are adults who discover after thirty that toilets are white simply because they are being washed. Less obvious work can slip out of sight altogether. And if a person is not aware of the existence of some cases, he will not be able to offer to separate them.

It is useless to make a universal list of household chores. Firstly, each family will have its own. Secondly, it is endless. So it’s better to discuss it within the couple. Moreover, cases can be divided into several groups. All of them are important, necessary, take time and effort.

• Routine

Daily and weekly activities like washing dishes, cooking, washing, ironing, and so on. This is a very thankless job because the result is short-lived. But it will be very noticeable if you do not do it.

• Seasonal affairs

Tasks as needed. This includes nailing shelves, changing winter tires to summer tires and vice versa, general cleaning, washing windows.

2. Don’t “help mom”

A four-year-old can be an assistant in household chores. He needs to be accustomed to routine duties, explained how and what to do, praised and motivated. For adult family members, household chores are their area of ​​responsibility equally. So no one should wait for special instructions from someone else.

Taking on something means performing the entire cycle of work. For example, taking out the trash – not only grab a bag of waste on the way to work, but also monitor the fullness of the bucket, its cleanliness, and the presence of bags.

3. Stop dividing responsibilities into male and female.

One could begin with how, in ancient times, men worked in the fields and women were busy around the house. But let’s not. First, everyone on the ground worked. Secondly, it’s time to stop pulling the traditions of two centuries ago on modern society. Nevertheless, many refuse to do certain things, because it is a “woman’s business”.

The only area where gender matters is in the use of force. If you need to lift something heavy, it will be easier for a man. The rest is all about skills. Nobody knows how to wash the floor or do the laundry since birth.

4. Do not discount the cost of time and effort for household work

Progress gave us a lot of wonderful technology that protected us from doing laundry in an ice hole and cooking over a fire. But, alas, it has not yet been possible to delegate matters completely to automata.

The words “prepares a slow cooker, washes a machine” betray a person who normally did not work with either one or the other.

If you suddenly know a model of a typewriter that collects dirty linen from the wardrobes and takes it out from under the bed, sorts it by color, puts it in itself, pours in the necessary liquids, takes out the laundry, hangs it up, makes sure it doesn’t dry out, iron it and put it on the shelves, then write the model in the comments, we all want this.

Household chores have become easier with the advent of electronic assistants, but have not disappeared anywhere.

5. Distribute responsibilities appropriately

It is logical to compare the volume of household work with the waste of time and effort at work. For example, if one person is on his feet all the time, and the other sits on a chair, then at home you can change. The first will take on quieter matters, and the second will work physically. But if both work in the office for 8 hours, then the contribution to household chores should be comparable in terms of complexity and time costs.

6. Be prepared to compromise on household standards

Ideally, when partners have the same requirements for life. For example, one folds his socks into a corner, while the other doesn’t care. And even if the mountain of socks is about to evict them from the apartment, they are happy and satisfied with each other. It is much worse if one does not see anything wrong in a light mess, while the other has a micro-stroke every time the crumb falls to the floor.

If people have completely different attitudes to cleanliness and order, you have to work with what is. This is not at all a reason for “dirty” to sabotage household chores with the words: “You will not please.” Like, let the neat and tormented, his own requirements. It is worth taking a step towards each other.

7. Remember each other’s preferences

If one takes care of all the simple things, and the other – complex and disgusting, it will not be very fair. So try to accommodate your preferences. Suddenly, you’re okay with washing dishes, and your partner sees vacuuming as meditation. Why not let each other do some nice things.

8. Be flexible

Vary the division of responsibilities as appropriate. For example, if one of you is having a difficult period at work, it’s okay for the other to release him from some of the household chores. The main thing is not to forget to reconsider the agreements later.

How do you do household chores? Let us know in the comments.