Divorce at night: why happy couples don’t sleep together and is it right for you

Sleeping in different beds does not always indicate relationship problems. And sometimes it can even strengthen a marriage.

If you are a couple, you should sleep together. This idea seems so correct and natural that you probably never even thought of other options. Separated sleep is perceived as a sign of relationship problems, or even as a method of punishment or manipulation (“I’ll sleep on the couch!”). However, there are many strong couples who go to different beds every night. And that’s why they do it.

They take care of their health

Back in 2005, a British researcher found that when people sleep together, they often don’t get enough sleep. For example, because one of the partners snores or turns too actively. Or the spouses have different chronotypes, which means that they go to bed and get up at different times, and one of them interferes with the other.

In addition, habits and addictions play a role: someone likes to sleep in a cool room, and someone is freezing from any breath of wind. One cannot get into the arms of Morpheus without a TV or tablet, the other is annoyed by the light from the screens. Finally, one of the partners may suffer from insomnia or simply have a very sensitive sleep and wake up literally from every movement of their half.

The results of sleep deprivation can be frustrating. A third of the adults surveyed rest less than the required seven hours a day at night.

And sleep deprivation leads to obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, heart attacks and mental disorders. A big price to pay for following the established rules of a happy marriage.

They care about relationships

In 2016, researchers at the Paracelsus Institute (Germany) found that relationship problems follow sleep problems. If at least one of the partners does not get enough sleep, he becomes nervous and irritable, and this inevitably becomes the cause of quarrels and misunderstandings.

To the same conclusion, scientists from the University of California: a sleepless night, according to the results of their survey, leads to conflict in a couple the very next day.

Are there any benefits of sleeping together

If you read the previous arguments, you might get the impression that sleeping together destroys marriages, and separated is the solution to all problems. But this is not the case. People who sleep in the same bed decrease their production of cortisol, the stress hormone, while their production of oxytocin, sometimes called the hormone of trust and affection, increases.

In addition, some psychologists believe that sleeping together makes relationships deeper, deeper and more trusting.

Can separated sleep harm relationships

Here, as psychologists say, it all depends on why people disperse to different rooms. If they seek to resolve their sleep problems in this way, a nightly “divorce”, at least temporarily, can benefit the relationship.

After all, a couple who gets enough sleep have fewer reasons for irritation and quarrels.

At the same time, do not forget that you can at least try to eliminate many sleep disorders by contacting a doctor. For example, insomnia, snoring, or restless legs syndrome, which can cause people to kick at night or have difficulty falling asleep.

If the reason is that one of the partners avoids the other and does not want to be in the same bed with him, this is an alarming signal. He says that the relationship is not all right. And a night’s rest in different beds, in this case, will only increase the distance between partners.

In any case, sleeping together or separately is a personal choice for each couple. And in this matter, you should rely on your feelings and needs, and not on common stereotypes.

By Cindy
October 29, 2020

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