How to understand that you truly love someone

Most of the signs that we usually refer to actually mean something quite different.

False signs

  1. You think about this person all the time. This is a blind infatuation. If you are constantly thinking about someone, then you cannot focus on other important things. And this is already a problem. True love fits into life, it doesn’t take over.
  2. You constantly yearn for a partner or cannot live a day without him. See above.
  3. This person means everything to you. Same.
  4. You cannot imagine the future without the object of your feelings. If you try, you can imagine anything. For example, that you moved to Switzerland and graze goats there. But that doesn’t mean you really need that twist. And in the phrases “When I think about the future, I always imagine how she helps me to cope with everything, no matter what happens”, “My future just doesn’t make sense without her”, the object of love can be easily replaced with a new job or a beloved dog.
  5. This person is the one you have always dreamed of. See above.
  6. You want your partner to always be there. You have clearly never been in a healthy long-term relationship. Yes, you must want to see your beloved or beloved. But not always! Sometimes you need to be alone with yourself, work or do other things. Don’t feel like you don’t love someone just because you want to be alone from time to time.
  7. You will do anything to impress your lover. It’s even scary. And why are you trying so hard? Loving doesn’t mean making a good impression.
  8. You are afraid of losing this person. In healthy love there is no fear of loss. This is attachment.
  9. You are jealous. And this is again attachment, not mature love.
  10. This person is wonderful. This is most likely just flattering your ego. And, in general, this is very stupid.
  11. He is kind. Well, it’s great that your emotional needs are being met. But it only says that your partner deserves love. Not the fact that you feel it for him.
  12. You just know. This is the most useless answer in life. Don’t repeat such nonsense after others, calling them romantic, because you have no normal explanation.

Signs to rely on with caution

  1. The time you spent with your partner is the best of the day. Depends on how things are with the rest. It’s good if you are happy with your life and your partner only makes it even better. It’s bad if you don’t like everything, and communication with him is the only outlet for you. It’s time to get busy with your life.
  2. You put the interests of your partner above everything else. It’s good if you really care about his wants and needs and pay attention to them without destroying yourself. It’s bad if you sacrifice your needs or judge yourself only by your ability to make your partner happy.

Signs that you like her as a person

  1. The subject of your feelings is not like everyone else.
  2. You like not only his looks. Congratulations, all is not lost for you.
  3. You wish this person happiness. Excellent. It would be nice to wish happiness for most people.
  4. With it, you are ready to try something new. Great, you have found someone with whom you are comfortable and pleasant.
  5. A partner inspires you to be better. Role models are also inspiring, but you don’t like them.

Signs of true love

  1. You have decided to love. Love is an action, not a feeling. It is a conscious decision that you make over and over again.
  2. You show love. You put in and you put in the effort. You don’t intentionally hurt. You do not take revenge, do not manipulate, do not be cowardly. Your partner’s needs don’t irritate you. You are not trying to take all of his time. You feel confident without the constant belief in reciprocity.

You value your partner’s point of view. You learn the language in which he expresses love. You make decisions based on his interests and needs. You support. You care and take care.

  1. You show love even when you don’t feel like it. It’s easy to think about what you love when the relationship is smooth. But the period when difficulties begin is much more important.

You love it if your goal during a disagreement is to find a compromise, not a winner.
You love, if you do not take your partner’s words with hostility, do not doubt him. Don’t keep score. Don’t harbor resentment. Do not deprive your partner of your love as punishment.
You love if you first of all strive to understand, not to be understood. You listen and value what has been shared with you. And do not dump your own problems right there.
You love it if you act like you and your partner are on the same team. You are listening. You are making concessions. You are sorry. You forgive.
You love even when it hurts. You respect your partner’s needs, even if they involve breaking up.

Ask yourself the question “How to love”, not “How to understand that you are in love.” It is worth distinguishing between the concepts of “being in love” and “loving”, because the first is just a blind infatuation, in no way connected with a real feeling. Love is action. Is always.

By Cindy
October 14, 2020

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