What is emotional cheating and why is it dangerous

No, this is not just friendship.

It all starts out quite innocently and looks like an ordinary friendship. You communicate with a person, exchange messages, go for a walk or ride a snowboard together, share problems and experiences. And then suddenly you realize that you would rather spend the evening texting with “just a friend” than watching a movie with your own husband or wife. And this bond, which suddenly became unexpectedly strong, destroys your relationship with your regular partner.

There are several fundamental differences between platonic friendship and emotional betrayal. Infidelity begins when the “friend” gets closer than the spouse or partner. When cheaters have secrets from their halves. And when between “friends” there is a sexual attraction – conscious or not.

Why emotional cheating is dangerous

Many people think that there is nothing wrong: this is not sex, which means that it is not considered treason. But that’s not the case at all.

  1. Emotional closeness is just a prelude

Psychologists say that such an emotional connection is also a kind of betrayal, albeit without sex. Because this “just friendship” can easily end up in bed over time. Between two people, if they become that close, there is almost certainly a sexual attraction.

  1. Emotional cheating hurts and leads to breakup

Such cheaters often do not feel guilty, but their spouses or partners think very differently. A close emotional connection with another person is no less painful than the fact of sex on the side. True, the attitude towards this issue depends on gender.

Researchers conducted a survey and found that women are more afraid of the emotional betrayal of a partner, and men – sexual. In any case, both of them feel deceived and betrayed – because close people hide from them an important part of their lives, and lying and hiding destroy trust and harm relationships. As a result, the case may end in rupture.

  1. Emotional infidelity hurts all participants

A friend who is drawn into this kind of love triangle also has feelings. The cheater, in fact, gives him hope that someday they will be together, and actively feeds it – with warm messages, joint gatherings and walks, meaningful glances and, as it were, random touches.

But at the same time, it seems that he is not going to develop these relations, does not call what is happening a novel and does not think about leaving the family. That is, he puts his “just friend” in a strange, ridiculous and almost humiliating position. It hurts.

And finally, this whole situation causes suffering to the cheater himself. He is forced to suppress his feelings, lie, dodge, torn between two people close to him.

How to protect your relationship from emotional cheating

Some family counselors are quite categorical on this issue. They believe that if you are married, you should avoid any contact with members of the opposite sex (or your own – if we are talking about homosexual people). This will be the prevention of treason.

This opinion echoes the traditional patriarchal views – when the husband opposes any communication between his wife and other men. But this approach assumes that one of the spouses – most often the husband – does not trust the other and violates his freedom. And such relationships can no longer be called healthy and equal. In addition, the desire to isolate a partner from communicating with friends is a sign of emotional abuse.

Healthy relationships built on friendship, trust and mutual respect are in themselves a defense against cheating. Therefore, try the following.

  • Spend more time together

Go on dates to cafes, restaurants, theaters, movies, or for walks. Use every opportunity to be together.

  • Talk about what you care about

Don’t build up resentment, anger, and irritation. Don’t expect your partner to figure out why you are unhappy. Talk about your feelings, discuss what you don’t like, try to find a solution. If you are rude, offended, or hurt – do not forget to apologize and discuss what happened.

  • Generally talk to each other as much as possible.

Not only about everyday matters – about purchases, bills, repairs and leaking taps. But also about what fascinates you – about books, TV shows, about your hobbies, cultural and political events. And of course, share your feelings and experiences.

  • Support each other

Be sure to take the time to listen to your loved one, cheer him up, say that you love him and believe in him.

By Cindy
October 13, 2020

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