Recently, more and more often you can meet couples who meet with each other, but live separately. In modern sociology, the term Living Apart Together (LAT) has already been coined for this phenomenon.

This type of relationship is preferred by more and more people every year, and this trend, most likely, is a natural process of transformation of society, which used to live in a completely different way.

According to the psychobiological therapist of couples Stan Tatkin, we have a need for a balance between space and intimacy, dependence and independence, and this need has biological roots. The fact is that a person needs to independently explore the world around him and develop personally, this is our independence.

It turns out that long-distance relationships are much stronger than usual, and here’s why

However, we also need to be deeply attached to the other person for a sense of inner security.

Tatkin believes that partners who have a fairly strong relationship do not perceive distance so critically. At the same time, those who are constantly trying to figure out the problem of their distance will often face conflicts.

Be that as it may, here are four ways to build strong relationships based on the principles of personal freedom, even if you live with your girlfriend.

  • Respect each other’s privacy

We all know these everyday scenes from movies and TV shows, when a tired husband locks himself in the toilet in order to somehow get some rest from his wife and children. Not the best option for personal space, is it?

The first rule of a harmonious relationship is that partners should always have their own corner in the apartment to go about their business (and this is not a toilet). It’s good if square meters allow you to do this. Talk to your girlfriend about the importance of personal space and respect your agreements.

  • Maintain your digital independence

Let this advice not sound like a parting word from 2132, but both of you can quickly part with your independence if you give each other access to all your social media accounts and other services. The apogee of this is shared accounts.

If you cannot find a personal space at home, do not part with it at least online.

  • Let each of you have their own affairs and interests

Some things you don’t have to do together, each may have their own hobbies and passions that the other does not share (and that’s okay). Don’t forget to spend time with your friends.

According to the famous psychotherapist Esther Perel, eroticism can rarely coexist with daily intimacy. Especially when sports pants are involved. Sometimes you have to get bored in order to feel an acute desire to be together.

  • Be truly together

Even though many couples live together in the same apartment, they can be psychologically very distant from each other. And this is a serious problem. However, too much distance with long breaks between meetings can ruin the relationship.

Apparently, we, modern people, need to find the very balance emotionally and physically, which is sometimes very difficult to achieve due to excessive conservatism, prejudice and mistrust.

By Cindy
August 2, 2020

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