At heart, all of us are actually idealists who want to live in a world of peace, prosperity and mutual understanding. However, then the argument comes, and that’s all: both have nerves, wild irritation, and from impotence all fall into rudeness, which ultimately leads to separation.

This happens only because of a mutual misunderstanding of one simple truth: an argument and discussion is not a war, but the same normal phenomenon as a normal conversation or a grocery shopping. In a dispute, you have one common goal – to resolve it, and in a discussion – to hear each other and accept. Let’s figure out together how to wage your next “fight” so that no one is hurt.

  1. Realize exactly what you want

The truth is that the quality of the relationship is not indicated by the number of disputes in the pair, but by how they are resolved and whether they are resolved at all. You can “fight” at least every day, and if you bring these conversations to the end and understand everything, it’s never better.

To have a “healthy” fight, it is recommended that you think about these issues whenever you feel that a dispute is starting:

  • What do you want to achieve from the discussion / argument?
  • Do you want to express yourself?
  • Do you want to understand the motives of your partner?
  • Do you want to change your behavior?

“Do you want sympathy, compassion, or apology?”

  1. Start the argument gently

A very important point is how your argument begins. If he flared up like Zeus anger with destructive lightning from your lips, then this will not lead to anything good. This will cause your partner the need for “defense”, and not to maintain discussion.

Studies show that in 96% of cases we can predict how a conflict will develop, based solely on how it begins. Start softly, with a calm, non-emotional language that describes your point of view and feelings – and you are guaranteed a healthy conflict!

  1. Make sure that now is the time and mood for an argument

If you have steam coming out of your ears and a shaking starts – this is a clear sign that no dispute needs to be started at the moment.

If you or your partner is very angry, strong emotions will simply “intercept” the conversation and you will lose control. Wait until you both have cooled down enough to discuss the problem with your brain, not your emotions.

  1. Think about the right place to argue.

If you decide that you need to argue in your home – in an area that should be considered an area of ​​safety and comfort – then this is the most improper choice.

It is best to conduct discussions and disputes in an open, neutral space, such as in a park, garden or lake. Otherwise, if the conversation becomes hot or intense, you will not associate these memories with the places where you sleep, eat, relax and love each other.

  1. Be sure to listen to each other.

Remember that it is better to take a breath and be silent for a couple of minutes than to interrupt and continue to annoy with your arguments.

Ask questions to the second side, specify whether you correctly understood the opinion, always let us say. Watch your tone – this is also extremely important and can cross out everything, even if you are infinitely open to dialogue and ready to listen.

Never raise your voice, do not be rude to each other, because you love the one with whom you argue. Remember that all this is meaningless when you have a common goal – to resolve the dispute and continue to love each other.

  1. Do not hit below the belt

This is a very common mistake among loved ones and loving people. No wonder, because who, except her, knows where to beat you so that it is a knockout?

This can cause irreparable damage to your attitude and, most importantly, trust.

  1. Never recall a dispute in the past

This is always considered the most compelling and pushing argument: “Do you remember how you were in 1998 …”. However, these inserts only lead to aggravation of resentment and, as a rule, have no relation to the present conflict.

  1. Only argue in real life

Using a phone to argue with your partner is a sure way to a terrible conflict. The fact is that it plays the role of a barrier – and not one that helps to stay at a certain distance, but one that prevents one from understanding the true motives of certain words and introduces into an absolute misunderstanding of what is happening.

By Cindy
July 7, 2020

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