Do not worry, there is a solution.

Our life is filled with unspoken rules and attitudes, which for one reason or another we cannot (or do not want) to violate, especially when it comes to relationships.

One of the most common rules is something like this: “You can’t date your friend’s ex.” So what to do if you really have serious feelings for her?

All this can be solved if you act thoughtfully and delicately. So, here are the specific tips.

  1. Talk to your buddy first

In such a difficult situation, you need to talk with your friend. Even if you are afraid of this conversation, sooner or later it will take place anyway. Just imagine how he can react to the fact that you are meeting with his ex, learning about this from someone else.

Therefore, be honest and honest with him, try to make sure that he does not think that this is a betrayal on your part: after all, as soon as he hears about it, it is possible that his reaction will be just that.

Let it sound, for example, like this:

“Listen, there is something that I would like to talk to you about. I think (the name of his ex) is a cool girl, and I would like to invite her on a date. I wanted to know how you feel about this, even though you don’t meet her anymore. “You know me, I would not want to hide something from you, so I want to hear from you: maybe you still have feelings for her?”

  1. Be honest with a girl

If you have feelings for a girl, you invite her to a date, and at the same time she is your friend’s former lover, then the first thing you should do is clearly ask her if she has any feelings for your friend. You need to ask her if this whole situation will bother her, and if so, how can you handle this.

In such a situation, the victim is always made exclusively a girl, so you need to act as openly as possible, discuss everything and do everything to make her comfortable.

You can also tell her that it would be strange for you not to notify your friend, therefore you would prefer to communicate your intentions to him too, because he is important to you too, and you don’t want any intrigues.

  1. Let her see you in a new context

Most likely, when she met your friend, you often hung out with the three of them. Then she used to see you as a friend of her boyfriend, which is quite logical. However, when you decide to start communication with her, you will need to try to prove yourself in a different way, so that in the end, from the “boyfriend’s friend” to go into the category of “potential guy”.

To do this, you should not immediately go on the attack and directly declare that you want to meet with her. Just be careful and develop this relationship with her carefully, as you would with a girl whom I did not know before.

  1. Recognize the past, but do not dwell on it

No need to pretend that there has never been a past. Yes, she once met with your friend, but now everything is different. However, one should not raise this question every time and it is better not to ask her about relations with the former at all.

Instead, let her clearly understand that you have no prejudice and that you are ready to recognize her like any other girl whom you might accidentally meet in a bar, at an exhibition, or on the Internet.

  1. Let her know that you are ready to accept the denial

So that this whole situation does not become uncomfortable for both of you, the most correct thing you can do is to show her that any of her answers will suit you. That is, even if she refuses you, you must show yourself with dignity and not create uncomfortable circumstances.

“I just want you to know that your answer will not affect my attitude towards you. We are adults and I respect you and (your friend’s name). Regardless of whether you want to go on a date with me or not, this will not affect our friendship with you. ”

If you manage to tell her something like that before she announces her decision, that would be a big plus. In this case, she may understand that you are a sensible guy, and your idea of ​​inviting her for a date is a rather bold act.

By Cindy
May 25, 2020

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