Now check if this applies to you.

Try to find at least one pair that never quarreled, and with a probability of 99.9%, you are unlikely to succeed. Most likely, in your environment there are also such couples who always quarrel, or, perhaps, you yourself are in such a relationship (we hope not).

Whatever the case, almost all people strive for harmony in their personal lives, but they themselves very often do everything so that it never comes.

So, I have collected five main communication errors that most couples make, dooming their union to failure.

They think that everything can be solved in one frank conversation.

You have probably heard many times that confidential communication is the cornerstone of a happy relationship. And it really works, but it is worth remembering that, firstly, you can never solve anything with a single conversation. Such communication is necessary, as they say, put on the rails. Secondly, before starting a frank conversation with each other, it is necessary to find the right approach.

By the right approach, I mean, for example, physical contact at the moment of dialogue and a mention of how you value and love each other. Sometimes it is only through conversations that you can solve all problems and achieve mutual understanding, however, we will repeat this again, you must make sure that at the time of clarifying the relationship you are on the same wavelength and, if you argue, you are doing it productively, not destructively.

They expect their thoughts to be read.

No matter how much we want, unfortunately, people have not yet learned to read minds. Moreover, sometimes even during a conversation we do not immediately understand each other, so we are still far from telepathy.

In most cases, we rely on common sense, for example, that the partner himself will wash the dirty dishes, which is logical. But sometimes we seem to hope to take care of ourselves in certain circumstances. For example, when we get sick, for some reason we think that they will bring tea or medicine without requests (there are many such examples, but it was he who first came to mind). However, you always need to just politely ask for your desires, and not wait, be offended if this does not happen, and then conflict.

They are silent about their feelings and feelings, so as not to start a conflict

If one of the partners or even both are not prone to conflict, then most likely they will put their emotions away in the name of the pleasure of the other person. Perhaps this is what both parties to the relationship do. However, happiness from such silence is not enough, because at some point the amount of accumulated will overflow the cup.

Learn to talk about your feelings and experiences, do not be afraid to look stupid and vulnerable. Practice confidential conversations. Politely report your discomfort as soon as it appears. Do not discount the discomfort experienced by another, listen to what is said and try to help. Do not let small grudges accumulate and grow into a whole heap of claims.

They focus on possibly insoluble problems.

However, there are situations when one of the partners crushes and refuses to compromise. He fixates on an insoluble problem, causing a defensive reaction in the other partner. He does not want to stop and continues toxic conversations, turning them into monotonous lectures. This behavior is called woodpecker syndrome (“woodpecker syndrome”).

It almost never leads to a constructive dialogue, and from the outside it looks like this: one says something energetically, and the other is silent. There is no dialogue, the dispute is not resolved, and relations are getting worse. If one of the partners has “woodpecker syndrome”, you should try to stop reading notations and try a different approach in communication with the partner.

They cannot look at the situation from a partner’s point of view.

Sometimes it’s quite important to make an effort to look at the conflict from the position of a partner, because often people forget to do this and continue to insist on their own.

Empathy is one of the most important skills that you can and should practice and pump. This does not mean that a person must always agree with another, he just needs to put himself in his place, which will allow you to look at the situation from the position of an independent observer.

By Cindy
May 2, 2020

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