WHAT TO DO IF DURING THE QUARANTINE YOU FOUND OUT A TREASON (AND YOU LIVE TOGETHER)

The situation is not pleasant.

Learning about the deceit of a loved one is always painful. But when at the same time you are in joint self-isolation, additional factors complicating the situation are added.

If during quarantine it turned out that the girl had cheated on you in the past, and you can’t put up with it, do you need to leave if one of you has nowhere to go?

First of all, we offer to calm down and take advantage of our tips.

1. Get your thoughts together

First, it’s important to understand what you definitely DO NOT need to do: shout, insult, and even more so use physical violence. To get started, gather your thoughts and make a plan in your head for what you want to say and which words are best used.

If you would like to maintain your relationship, try less to blame her for what happened and remain rational and balanced during the conversation, then the girl will not have to “defend herself” and she will be able to open herself to you (if, of course, she wants to). Be prepared for a frank and confidential conversation, including for your part.

It doesn’t matter if you found out about her sex with another or about an emotional romance with a former correspondence – it is important to solve this issue openly, honestly and, most importantly, non-violently.

2. Choose the right time to talk

Such difficult conversations are best done in the morning or in the middle of the day, as this will give you enough time to discuss the problem, and then consider the conversation that took place.

We do not recommend the temptation to begin this difficult conversation in the evening, especially on a weekday. Such conversations require complete self-control, emotional and mental inclusion, the ability to listen and experience empathy, while in the evening your resources are likely to be depleted. In addition, in such situations, the risk of not sleeping all night, disrupting the next working day and generally worsening one’s well-being is too high. Conversation “with a fresh mind” is likely to be more successful.

3. Use the right words

When you are ready, clearly and directly express your feelings and needs, using the so-called “I-statements” or “I-messages.”

For example, you can say:

“I am very angry and resentful of you now, let’s talk tomorrow morning”; “It really hurts me that you lied to me”; “I do not know if I can now trust you”; “I want to hear and understand you”; “I want to discuss how this will affect our future.”

Attacking a girl (and even more insulting her in the heat of the moment) will only worsen the situation, especially if you have to stay under one roof in the near foreseeable future.

4. Decide what to do next

Now let’s move on to the most important question: should you break up? Well, it entirely depends on what you decide. Cheating often, but not always, causes a break.

If the girl admitted that this was a mistake, and you both want to stay together and are ready to leave treason in the past – why not do it?

If you are not yet sure of your attitude to the situation, you can take your time before making any important decisions. Give yourself and her a little time, and you will surely come up with a solution that will suit both of you.