It’s easier than it sounds!

Imagine this scenario: you are at a party, you meet a beautiful girl, and you talk to each other all evening. You really got along: you are both from small cities, you like the same football team, both agree that the ideal beer snack is (conditionally) chips.

In a word, not a girl, but a dream! There is only one small problem. You don’t know if she is alone or not.

There are some simple signals that you should pay attention to in such situations – for example, an engagement ring or mentioning that “My guy and I recently went to …” – but let’s assume that there is neither one nor the other. Moreover, you have no mutual friends who could answer this question that interests you.

The only thing left to do is ask her directly. And this can be a real challenge for you. Calm, I have a few tips on how to do this as delicately as possible.

Sound your relationship status

One way to minimize embarrassment is to unobtrusively provide her with information about your own status! A simple reference to your personal life is likely to lead to the fact that she will give the same information about herself. Here is an example of how such a dialogue can go.

You: I moved to this city a year ago to live here with my girlfriend. Then we broke up, and I tried Tinder … It was, frankly, not the most pleasant experience!

She: Oh yes … I see. I refused online dating and prefer to meet in real life, as it is now, for example.


She: Sucks … I also live here with my boyfriend, but we met through friends, I never tried online dating.
In any case, the level of awkwardness will be minimal, because you do not ask her a direct question.

Alas, the elegance of the question is also its drawback, because a girl may not give response information about her personal life (what if she is a spy undercover?).

Okay, maybe she is not a spy, but people do not always voluntarily tell personal things about themselves, unless you ask for them directly.

Comment on other couples in the room

Another, slightly more direct method is to comment on other couples in the room.

You: Wow, so many couples were invited here … Look at those guys over there, kissing like teenagers! For some reason, they reminded me of the status of “In Relations” in the “FB”. It always seemed that I was the last lonely person left in this world.

She: I hate statuses on social networks. And I, too, seem to be the last loner among all my friends.

Say about the lonely life

Another option is to mention with a laugh about some problem (but not very sad and serious) that only lonely people face, and then ask her if she has faced such situations. This is a bolder method than the previous ones, but it is still quite unobtrusive.

You: Around the corner there is an excellent Thai restaurant, however, they always serve tables for one last. I think this is discrimination against single people! I don’t know if you are meeting someone, but if so, be sure to try this place – they love a couple.

She: Thanks for the advice, I will definitely tell my boyfriend about this, he loves Thai cuisine.

Ask directly but politely

If you are brave enough to ask a question openly, be prepared for any answer you can get. This is crucial.

You: I decide to ask a direct question. Tell me, are you free?

She: Actually, no, I have a boyfriend.

To ask if someone is lonely is not offensive, but to react aggressively to an answer that you do not like, of course, yes.

So, move on to the next item.

How to act after you find out about her status?

So, suppose that she is, unfortunately, not free. Accept this fact with dignity.

Respond in a friendly and relaxed way, wish a pleasant evening, smile and leave. Women also feel awkward in this situation! You want to make this interaction as painless as possible for both sides?

Do not joke (in a nervous situation it may not turn out very well), do not try to show stiffly that this is not so critical for you, but do not turn denial into a tragedy. There are many other beautiful girls around who are free.

Remember that she may be a loner, but not be interested in you. Do not think that if she does not have a couple, she is obliged to reciprocate your sympathy.

Most likely, you are not her type. Or she likes women. Or she does not want to meet with anyone now, because … for example, she is going to move to another country. Or she is an aromancer, after all. One way or another, do not try to get to the bottom of the reason; she is not obliged to tell you anything. Whatever she says, calmly accept the refusal and step back.

She: I’m alone, but I’m not interested, thanks.

You: Ok, I still was not going to invite you on a date. Do not flatter yourself.

This is the worst thing you can say (and also sign for your own self-doubt). Even if this is true, and you asked about its status only because you are conducting a census, this is still not a reason for rudeness.

That will be much better.

She: I’m alone, but I’m not interested, thanks.

You: All is well. Then I would reproach myself if I did not dare to ask. Have a nice evening

And smile again and leave. Nothing special, right?

But enough about the sad! Good things happen too! There is a chance that the girl you met is free, and even better – she may be ready to go on a date with you.

She: Yes, I’m not dating anyone.

You: I would love to go with you to a Thai restaurant that I already mentioned, if you’re interested. To defeat their evil anti-solitary program by teaming up.

She: With pleasure!

Congratulations! It is a success!

By Cindy
April 9, 2020

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