Addition rules: how to find (and not lose) the perfect pair

People often ask me: what is the main thing when choosing a partner? For example, you have crazy sex with a person. The most detachable, the most liberating and energizing of all, in which you participated. Is this enough to give a person the status of the second half and spit on those who, looking at you outside the entourage of the bedroom, consider that “you are not a couple to each other”? Or, conversely, sex, frankly, is nothing special. Normal. Sometimes better, sometimes worse. In short, like everyone else. But everything else – social attributes, career aspirations, views on leisure, children, which series to choose for the evening, Margarita or 4 Cheeses – is in complete agreement. Or is it all – and sex, and the suitability of life – does not play a role at all and you have to wait for love? Here it’s straight so that it pierced from the top of the head to the heels.
Although further on, an even more insoluble question arises: how to distinguish this same “true love” from the “fake” hormonally determined one, which has an expiration date of three years? ..

I quite expectedly have no universal answer for everyone. For a guy who “needs” three times a day, and at least five on weekends, I, of course, advise you to wait and look for one whose sexual appetites will be about the same.
I will honestly recommend romantically inclined citizens not to exchange for one night stand (because with the existing vector of interests and expectations, they themselves will not be able to jump from bed to bed in a thrill), but wait for “butterflies in their stomach”.

A young man who has grown up in a large family and dreams of celebrating his 70th birthday as a family patriarch – here you are, sitting at the head of the table surrounded by children, grandchildren, nephews and godchildren … – it makes sense to look for a girl with the setting “to be a mother is the main purpose of a woman” . Well and so on. My advice, as I myself understand, does not shine with originality. But what I have, I give out those.

The institution of marriage really does not go through the most radiant times. Less and less people get married because of “economic considerations” (together it’s easier to pay a mortgage, raise offspring, go on vacation, etc.) or by calculation. Less and less believe in love, which seems to endure everything and justifies a lot. But if you think about it, both of these concepts are about extremes. Either too cynical, or overly romantic. But the point is that at the present historical stage, the only, as it seems to me, argument in favor of being with a person, calling him a partner, is the feeling that your life will be more joyful and comfortable with him than without him. That, in fact, is all.

It’s another matter that all of us have different ideas about comfort. For me, with my kind of activity, for example, it’s easy, joyful, buzzing with a person who, on the one hand, calmly, without jealousy and unnecessarily dramatic attitude towards the fact that I do what I actually do. And on the other, so open minded to become an accomplice in some of my experiments. At the same time, my husband, whom I consider ideal, impeccable, and the only possible one, causes, to put it mildly, mixed feelings in the crowd of my closest friends. “How can he do that? Why is he not jealous ?! – they dig to me. “Are you sure he loves you?” My man would have died of a heart attack a long time ago if I would have allowed myself at least a third of what you do … ”

Each of us has several leading interests / needs / features. Those that cement a person as a person. Through which he defines himself. And, in a good way, a gag with the search for optimal candidates arises when you yourself are not very familiar with yourself. You don’t really understand what makes you you. Seeking the approval of others (“What a beautiful couple! You are as if made for each other!”). True faith in family values. “The spirit of experimentation” and, accordingly, the desire to find a girl who, on a proposal for any, even the most extreme atrocities, will answer: “Come on! ..”, etc.

Any option has the right to exist. Nothing is bad, not shameful, not petty. The question, I repeat, is only whether you are aware of who you are and what kind of comfort you value above all. With this, perhaps, the search for the ideal partner begins. Not ideal in general, but ideal specifically for you.

By Cindy
January 14, 2020

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