Are relationships possible at a distance?

The title is, of course, in the spirit of a magazine for some July 1987. But this is how this question is usually formulated – which is significant.

The realism of any other relationship does not cause so much doubt as the relationship at a distance.
It is also significant that for everyone who says: “No, people, you’re not even trying,” there is usually someone who, with undisguised pride, will say that, they say, we corresponded and called up for several years, and now we’ve got married, we have three beautiful kids and a house with a front garden. And here, those who decide are usually guided by the example of the latter: “Ah, let’s try. Someone did it! ”

I DIDN’T HAVE IT. MY LAST RELATIONS AT DISTANCE ENDED ALMOST TWO YEARS BACK. AND BEFORE THIS MOMENT, WE SEEED SEVERAL DAYS A MONTH (FROM ANOTHER TO ANOTHER, WHICH HAS BEEN EQUIPPED AND EXTENDED, AND AT THE CINEMA ROMANTIC), AND THE REMAINING TIME CALLED OUT.

Calling and chatting for hours! What in real life could be solved with the help of a hand on the shoulder, a short kiss on the temple, a look – it required a kilometer of text and an hour of discussion.

Did I say “real”? Yes, she said. Because the main problem of relations at a distance, why exactly about their realism is so much debate is their illusory nature. The space of a fictitious, thought-out, completed building turns out to be much more than something that you can objectively rely on. You say, say, say … But, when, for example, one of you lies at a temperature of 40, the maximum that he is entitled to is the phrase: “My love, I am so sorry that I can’t be there.” But such a simple, but such an infinitely necessary thing, how to feel on the flaming forehead the cool palm of the person with whom you have a kind of relationship, it, alas, is not available.

The situation is a bit similar to the one when a person who does not have a home buys a rug in the bathroom, a bedspread, a bookcase. But he doesn’t have the main thing – at home. But there is a bunch of “decorating” elements. But nowhere, even if you crack, nowhere for him to put it all and beautifully decompose. So it is with relationships at a distance.

ANY RELATIONSHIP SHOULD HAVE A Kernel. AND IF YOU WERE TOGETHER TOGETHER, AND THEN THAN DEPARTED FOR TIME AT THE DIFFERENT ENDS OF THE PLANET, THIS CORE AT YOU IS PROBABLY SUCCESSFUL TO APPEAR AND CONFIRM.

And here much depends on how talented you are to weave a network of correspondence, video calls, virtual sex. Maintain what you already have. This is a job. Troublesome. Not easy. But understandable, feasible, real.

But I’m far from being so optimistic when it comes to relationships, whose starting point is virtuality. When you didn’t have even six months together to understand, feel, make out from different points of each other. Find out how each of you looks at 9 o’clock on a typical weekday morning. What kind of movie likes to watch when the mood is at zero. In what tone is talking to mom on the phone. How to cry from powerlessness or, conversely, joy.

I would like to recall those of my “stillborn” relationship with light sadness. Tenderness. Thanks. No, all this too. But it takes on the strength of 10 percent of the total number of emotions. The remaining 90% is a nuisance.

I remember how much time and energy was invested in maintaining contact. This is on the one hand. And on the other hand, in order not to notice, literally push the obvious away from you: the farther, the weaker the pulse of our connection.

But what is striking is that I don’t remember the man himself. I’m even a little awkward about how rarely I remember about him, what faded and flat these memories are. Like I was dealing with a hologram. Fiction. Illusion.