10 first times in a relationship: mistakes, tips, secrets of survival(2)
- Meeting with her parents
Of course, all parents are different. But, as a rule, everyone loves their children. It is unlikely that they are indifferent to the fate of their daughter, since they decided to look at the type for the sake of meeting with whom she missed Aunt Ella’s diamond anniversary. Play along – demonstrate that you are not indifferent to the fate of their daughter. To tell them that she is beautiful is not enough (just as come in a fresh shirt and sober). Demonstrate that you are in the know about the work and hobbies of your girlfriend. For example: “Have you already told your parents about the presentation of the project on Tuesday?”
Try not to abuse the pronoun “we” – you risk rushing things. Yes, you meet their daughter, but phrases like “We love to play bowling before we go grocery shopping” literally cry out that you are ready to meet her for the next half century. Is it so?
- The first serious quarrel
The first serious quarrel may arise from scratch, or maybe for a good reason. It does not matter. The main sign of the first quarrel is the lack of communication from several hours to several days. You do not talk, do not call up, do not wink at each other on Facebook. When contact does occur, it is important to avoid two errors:
start repeating your claims and theses expressed during the first serious quarrel;
pretend that nothing happened.
Hushing up a quarrel and its causes is the most wrong tactic in a relationship. Then your grievances or grievances of your partner will come out again, but there will be more of them. So it’s better to say it all over again, but this time not at elevated tones. And remember about “I-messages.” Let not accusations sound from your lips, but descriptions of your own feelings caused by the partner’s actions.
Gender inequality also works here: it is morally easier for a man to stretch an olive branch (hidden in a bouquet of roses). Often women are easier to move away from a quarrel, but the first to call for a long time are not solved.
- You ask her to give up something
Even such a seemingly streamlined process as evolution sometimes fails. Usually it’s like: a woman who is called to bear, educate and go to parental meetings is a sane creature. She cannot afford the reckless, life-threatening actions. Such preservation is not required from a man; he has a short, albeit vivid, role in the evolutionary process.
But, as I said, there are crashes. And then one fine day you are sitting, not touching anyone, and then your girlfriend runs in and choking on her senses, she says: “I’ll get a tattoo! In the full back! Red Square! That ridiculous church with multi-colored domes and two stone men with a sword! A frontal place – on the tailbone! ”Your way out. When you first forbid something to your girlfriend, it is very important that she does not have a feeling of infringement of her civil liberty. No “Don’t you dare!” And “I forbid.” Focus on your personal perceptions. If we are talking about changing a girl’s appearance that scares you, tell me that you have unpleasant memories associated with a bob haircut, that your hated teacher in kindergarten had such a haircut. And when the girl is about to jump with the parachute drunk, make a mournful mine and tell me that your favorite kindergarten teacher died just like that.
The vast majority of women are painful of their predecessors. Let you or your friends inadvertently say that your ex had a Red Square tattoo in her entire back and she was a master of sports in skydiving. After that, the girl will think about tattoos and parachutes in disgust.
- She asks you to refuse something
A bunch of useless plasticine? Yes, this is the Prussian army after the reforms of Gerhard Scharnhorst! Yes, you almost missed the final exams, fashioning lanyards on the swords of soldiers! What does it mean – to the garage ?! The requirement of partners to abandon anything inherent to them causes irritation in the first place due to the fact that this is an attempt on personal space. And since personal space is very important, it is necessary to fight for it. A one-to-one compromise works best. That is, you take out plasticine soldiers to a landfill, and let her put her cat to sleep. Or you leave the soldiers, but then the girl is allowed to burn scented candles.
After you have made concessions with the girl, you should conclude an oral (or written, if pen is at hand) agreement that you forget about the compromise. Otherwise, you can fall into a position in which partners for years remind each other that they have sacrificed something because of these relationships.
- The first talk about the child
Well, here we are. Of course, you knew that someday this would happen. But that in a month (six months, twenty years) after meeting ?! There are several scenarios, and all of them depend on what you want.
Do you want or not against the child.
Well, this is the simplest. Then you can nod in silence. Nothing more is required of you – the girl will do the rest.
You do not want a child and you are almost sure that you will not want him with this particular girl.
Free the swing. Are you sure you do not plan to mix your genes with the genes of this partner, but she wants children? Do gentlemanly and leave. Do not hope that the topic raised once disappears in the air. On the contrary, gradually your life will turn into a bunch of hints and half-hints related to babies. Then the hints are deformed into scandals, and even into an ultimatum. Do not waste the girl’s biological clock: nature in this regard to women is much stricter than to you.
You do not want a child, but you want this particular girl.
Honestly tell her that you are dumbfounded. What have not thought about this topic. What do you need time. So you get a respite. But not for long. The decision to take will still have to. That is why talking about a child in many pairs becomes either an exit to the next stage of the relationship – the stage of creating a family, or a harbinger of an early separation.
