How to survive a breakup with a loved one without depression(2)

Should I immediately look for a new girl?
There is no single answer to this question. Look for a new girl specifically in order to quickly forget the ex – no, not worth it. Being open to new contacts and acquaintances is, of course, worth it.

Psychologists advise everyone who thinks how to survive a breakup with a loved one and live on not to rush into new relationships right away, because something is unlikely to work out of them. Most likely, you will compare the new girl with the ex and you will not be able to look at her objectively, notice her real strengths and weaknesses.

There is another reason why you should not try to immediately find a replacement for the ex. The topic of relationships does not tolerate coercion – the more you try to find a “new love”, the worse it will turn out. The best relationship develops when you are determined to just chat, flirt and enjoy it. Therefore, it is better to say to yourself: “I do not need anything serious yet, I want to be free.”
Do not try to immediately find a “new love” – get to know different girls, enjoy socializing, learn to flirt.

How to cope with heavy thoughts?
All that I said relates to the practical part – how to behave properly in order to survive a breakup with a loved one. But there is another side: thoughts, feelings, emotions. The breakup literally knocks the soil from under my feet and creates the feeling that “the world has collapsed.” Proper behavior will help get rid of these heavy thoughts faster. And remember: no matter how hard it is for you, any pain after a while becomes weaker.

Psychologists distinguish 5 stages of grief – absolutely everything goes through them. Perhaps it will be easier for you to survive the break if you understand what is happening to you now and what will happen next.

Five stages of experiencing grief

  • Denial is the very first stage when a person is shocked and cannot believe that everything really happened. At this time, I want to “wake up” and see that everything that happened is just a nightmare. So, you may think that the girl didn’t say about breaking up seriously, and this is just another quarrel, and tomorrow she will calm down and change her mind.
  • Anger, aggression – after the first shock comes the desire to find who is to blame for the break. You can blame yourself, your ex, her relatives or friends, any persons involved. But in fact, at this time, the search for the guilty does not make sense. It is necessary to analyze the situation when emotions subside, and you can think about everything calmly, but for now it’s more important not to break firewood and not lose face.
  • Negotiations, bargaining – after outbursts of anger, it becomes clear that blaming anyone is impossible to rectify the situation. And then comes the desire to come to an agreement, to come up with some conditions on which the gap can be “canceled”. Perhaps you want to promise the ex everything that she wishes, give her an expensive gift and return it in any way. But this should never be done. You do not want her to return for a while out of pity, and then again decided to leave?The only time when it makes sense to ask the girl for forgiveness and promise to fix it all is if the reason for the breakup was your betrayal or other serious misconduct on your part.
  • Disappointment, depression – as a rule, the previous stage shows that everything is in vain and the girl seriously decided to leave. Understanding this hurts, but you can and should survive the mental pain. Remember that she is also a stepping stone to recovery. Moreover, even if the ex returns in response to persuasion and gifts, you will quickly notice that her attitude towards you has not improved. You just become the one with whom you are ready to be on the condition of some kind of investment. Therefore, do not sacrifice self-esteem for the sake of a relationship.
  • Acceptance is the last stage at which you are ready to recognize the separation as a fait accompli and perceive it without despair, despondency and other negativity. It is from this stage (but not earlier!) That one can think about whether it is worth trying to return the former or start a new relationship.

Psychologists studying the question of how to cope with emotions and survive a difficult separation from a loved one say that a difficult period on average takes up to 4-6 months. Of course, this does not mean that after 4 months you will forget the former or you will suffer and worry for no less than six months. Although in any case, time works for you, and heavy emotions go away if they are not supported and not reinforced. But again, it all depends on how you can fill your life with interesting things and events.

Remember that a relationship with a girl cannot be the meaning of life. You must have your hobbies, your life goals, work and hobbies.

If it so happened that after the break you do not know what to do with yourself and everything seems uninteresting – this is a bad sign. So, during the relationship you too much merged your life with the life of the ex. Sooner or later, it would start to bother you, a man should have his own personal space, regardless of whether he meets someone or is free. Your hobbies, affairs, hobbies are a circle of resources and supports that will help you not to get depressed in any circumstances.

By Cindy
October 20, 2019

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