How to survive a breakup with a loved one without depression

Now we’ll talk about an unpleasant, but important topic – about breaking up and how to behave properly after a breakup.

Back in the late 1960s, two psychiatrists – Thomas Holmes and Richard Ray, created a stress scale on which a variety of life events were located. So, divorce or separation from a loved one on this scale takes 2nd place (1m is the death of loved ones).

Yes, parting with your girlfriend or wife, especially if it happened not on your initiative, is always painful and difficult. But life goes on even if it seems to you that it has lost its meaning. And now I’ll tell you how to survive a breakup with a loved one without consequences in the form of prolonged depression or setbacks in personal life.

How to behave after parting?
Many immediately after the breakup begin to do stupid things: drink and spend nights in clubs, look for quick sex or, conversely, close at home and go inside. They are desperately trying to bring back their beloved one or immediately start a new girl. Moreover, it often happens that today you want to get drunk and pick someone up, and tomorrow you are ready to rush to the former with flowers and seek another conversation. This is normal, after the break you are in a shaky state – you can consider it a fever during an illness. But remember that your goal is not to live to the full with all the symptoms, but to cope with the disease and recover.

The first thing to do is to find balance. Take parting for granted.
Yes, perhaps the ex will regret her decision and return. But you should not think about it now. It is much more profitable to take the gap at face value and live on as if you had parted forever.

How to behave in order to survive the breakup:
• Accept the gap and introduce a moratorium on thoughts of returning the ex – at least for the first time. If you rush to return her immediately after she left, it will further reduce your significance in her eyes.
• Try not to see or hear the ex for at least 3-4 weeks – do not go around her house or place of work, do not try to arrange a random meeting, do not call her or write. If you lived together and one of you needs to pick up things, it is better to do this through friends or acquaintances. Remember that first you need to find balance, and then act.
• Do not go to her pages in social networks and do not ask friends about her. If they themselves will tell you something – it is better to break off the conversation and answer that she no longer interests you (believe me, she will be informed about this). I know that it’s hard to resist and not try to find out “how she is without me.” But any new information will inflate your emotions and prolong the process of “recovery”.
• Find a way to get distracted and go in for sports – sign up for a gym or martial arts section, take part in cycling races, start practicing roller skates or skate … First, endorphins (pleasure hormones) are released during sports, and secondly, the level of cortisol (hormone) decreases stress). In short, physical activity is the best way to quickly and without depression endure a breakup with a girl. Let not only your mind, but the whole body work to overcome the negative.
• Avoid everything that reminds you of the ex — don’t go to cafes and other places where you often visited together, don’t listen to “your” songs, take away any objects that may remind you of your relationship. If you still have her things, it’s better to return them as soon as possible through mutual friends (without personal meetings). By the way, this way you will demonstrate that you have completely accepted the gap and are not going to return anyone. If she expected something else, a small “break of the template” will turn out, and these are points in your favor.

For the first time after parting, the main thing is endurance, patience and self-esteem. If the former herself wanted to leave, do not be afraid to be too cold and miss the chances of her returning.

Any promises, gifts and other investments in such a situation will only reduce your significance. By this, you kind of tell her that you agree to be near and on the worst terms. Will she be able to respect you if you do not respect yourself? And without respect, there is no love. With compliments, surprises, gifts, it is worth reinforcing only those words and actions of the girl that are beneficial to you and your relationship.

To be continued.

By Cindy
October 19, 2019

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