How to go on vacation with a girl(1)

A vacation with a girl is inevitable. And if you have not parted with your beloved in the spring, then you have to not just rest, but a joint rest. I will teach you how to make it unforgettable for everyone, and not just for animators, taxi drivers and souvenir sellers.

If you thought that the worst was over (your first sex and her first hysteria, getting to know your future mother-in-law and talking about who you would like – a girl or a boy), then you relaxed too early, dear reader. To complete the picture, you need to go to rest at least once together. Only after this obligatory and extremely responsible milestone has been overcome can relations be considered “serious” and “promising”.

Or not. History knew examples when lovers, who did not have souls in each other, returned from abroad on different flights and with a clear feeling that their novel had expired. And vice versa: the couple, which was associated with continuous gluttony with adultery, drove straight from the airport to the registry office.

But the thing is that in a foreign land, where two are left to each other 24 hours a day without interruption for sleep and food, as a rule, amazing things are revealed. So, you could, for example, meet a girl for a year and be blissfully unaware that she epilates not only the bikini zone, but also her legs and even arms. A woman, in turn, will also be, to put it mildly, shocked to learn that you, contrary to common sense and features of the anatomical structure, write while sitting. In a word, people usually return from vacation as if they had met again. And not the fact that this new couple will want to continue communication.

Actually, that’s why it is so important to make the first joint trip perfect. Tune in to the fact that all of the following can go against your ideas about an ideal vacation. But the girls and I consulted, and I decided it was worth warning you about the key points that are important to us, and the desired standards of your behavior. And let it warm you that this is the plan of just one perfect trip. In all subsequent voyages, we will be in order to make concessions, that is, along with you on sports bars and rafting.


Of course, everyone dreams of returning from Greece in new sables, from the United Arab Emirates with a suitcase of gold, and from Japan with an annual supply of finger batteries. But this is not about that now. On vacation, shopping interests us primarily as a way to relax culturally, and only then, if possible, buy new things. That is why we do not carry around shopping, but at shops, souvenir shops and other exhibitions of national achievements.

And for the same reason, you will need a minimum of financial investments and a maximum of everything else. First of all, patience. An expedition to local merchants can take more than one academic hour, but you don’t even think about yelling “Is it time to halt?”, Beg for cold beer and ulcerate that you have only three hands. Secondly, your opinion is important to us. The hypocritical “stunned” and frankly boorish “yep”, repeated with the emotionality of an answering machine, will not work.

Improvise: they say that you yourself are shocked by how much the stuffed moose fits the color of her eyes, and the forged urn for ashes is exactly what was missing in your home. Any nonsense will do – the main thing is that we feel the degree of your interest. Third, be vigilant. Craftsmen and craftsmen, in order to lie insolently about “habibi” in the eyes, and meanwhile clean their wallets and pinch women at the navel. You are responsible for the inviolability of valuables and navels, so you don’t need to shout later where we looked and why you agreed to go with this muscular tanned barbarian.

Yes, I’m sorry to remind you about money, but the girls were very asking for a hint. Therefore, I say bluntly: you sponsor the wholesale purchase of souvenirs. And you do it easily and naturally, without asking leading questions, is it really necessary for the grandmother to have an ashtray in the form of a naked Indian with an erect penis, if she does not smoke and is generally a lesbian. You just don’t know her well, but now there’s no time to explain it to you, because you haven’t yet bypassed all the stores in this quarter.

By Cindy
September 7, 2019

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