Long-range Friend Tips: 10 Rules for Relations at a Distance (Part2)

• Be prepared for other difficulties.

Passionate sex after separation can also turn out pretty dull, if at all. That is not the fact that it will not be great, but the chances of it are less than we would like. Firstly, the vile receptors, who won’t know how to classify the smell of a body lying next to them, will obviously not be attracted to a new and unexpected passion, but it doesn’t seem like a sweet moment of recognition. We need to take a time out for reflection … Secondly, high expectations and a period of long abstinence (let us be idealists!) From both partners will play their part. To minimize the risk of fiasco, it is best to maintain physical contact as close as possible before you end up in bed. Holding hands, hugging walks and other veal tenderness will be very welcome here: they will weaken the barrier of detachment and will help to cope with possible unnecessary excitement.

• Do not make her jealous

Jealousy often spoils happy alliances, occasionally makes them even stronger, but when it comes to relationships at a distance, it turns into pure pure poison. These relations can be built only on absolute trust and on absolute lies. Any hostage to a million-kilometer novel is forced to take his partner’s word for word, since he does not have the ability to control it. In such a hopeless situation, a person usually subconsciously takes measures of self-preservation, namely: he is filled with a deep and indestructible confidence that a distant lover is a miracle of morality. This is the only excuse for a weary and lonely life in an eternal waiting mode. “I am sitting by the window, I haven’t gone anywhere, I’m still waiting for the appearance of his ship.” And as a result of liberties, which may well be allowed when communicating with a partner who is always nearby, are completely unacceptable here. It’s not worth telling how you had lunch with your ex, how Miss Anapa flirted with you, and that you jumped into a strip club with foreign colleagues (boring things!). No, you can do all this, but God forbid tell such a wonderful truth to the heroine, who, at least two Fridays from the last seven spent at home alone, re-reading your letters (so-so entertainment, you yourself understand).

Jealousy that cannot be appeased by control turns into such exquisite torture that self-cooling mechanisms are activated. If partners in distance relations have doubts about the fidelity and true affection of the second partner, then such relationships are almost certainly doomed.

• It is better to meet one day a month than a week once every six months

Psychologists have such a term – “mutual recognition – a person’s ability to enjoy the fact that he receives any information about another person, and the hostile attitude towards this person resulting from the accumulation of such information”. So, mutual recognition is a very long process that runs throughout life. It builds on the mother’s love for the child, family and friendships. But for recognition to be successful, it must be more or less continuous. Nature made sure that we were able to forget what we love, and did it very harshly.

A child of 5–6 months forgets her mother in 3-4 weeks, a two-year-old remembers her for 2-3 months. The older we get, the greater the pauses in communication without losing its quality. Nevertheless, we also have our own framework – each individual. Six months of separation is already close to the average critical point. Usually, for half a year, even spouses who have lived together for several decades are internally reconciled with the departure or death of a partner.

Therefore, if it is so important to maintain a relationship, it is better by hook or by crook to take time for short meetings. Yes, it’s expensive, it’s stupid, it’s romantic to be snotty, but it works.

• Do not turn your life into a waiting room

You can, of course, give up all the joys of life, erect an altar from her linen and photographs at home, honestly languish in separation and spend long nights looking at “your” star, which she may also be looking at now. But the more diligently you will support yourself in a state of exhaustion, the faster it will end. Your psyche is not iron: if she decides that you are too actively terrorizing her, she will take retaliatory actions. And you yourself will not notice how the look of your girlfriend’s tiny slippers, her name and the sound of her voice on the phone from holy relics suddenly turn into things that irritate you wonderfully … The thing is that we are poorly adapted for suffering, and factors, which make us worry beyond measure, quite quickly move into the category of unwanted.

• If you can not have a relationship at a distance – do not have them

And if you really care about this relationship – drop everything and go to her. Or grab the young lady in an armful and drag her to her. Work, home, friends – all this can be dealt with. Still, relationships at a distance are not at all for strong feelings, as it is generally accepted for some reason. Rather, the opposite: they are much more pleasant and unpretentious with an almost complete absence of any feelings whatsoever.