Guide to the left. How to save a wife, lover, nerves and torments of conscience(2)

Overnight stay

The main thing in the art of marches to the left is the skill to lie masterly. You should master this superpower perfectly. Here, for example, you plan to spend the night not at home. You can, of course, refer to an extraordinary poker with friends. But, on the one hand, if the wife allows you to play poker at night, why do you even need a mistress? And on the other hand, where the story that you were robbed is much less suspicious. At the same time you have formed some “stolen” funds.

Of course, such excuses work only if the overnight stay is one-time. Regular absences require a more elaborate legend.

Controversial advice #3

Nobody has canceled, of course, night duty.
The only minus of the fictional promptings and work in the nightclub (and what, the family needs money!) Is the need for thoughtful system lies. Overtime needs to be invented in advance and several times supported by unprecedented cynical actions. For example, a couple of nights you can really spend in the office, sending pictures of kittens to your wife – of course, from a working mail. You can also call your wife from your work phone a couple of times (this action makes no sense if you call a phone without a caller ID) and come home wearing totally smoked clothes, and one that you wouldn’t have been allowed to enter the club. After several such nights at work, you can spend the night at all anywhere, even at the second job, which you will have to find sooner or later in order to feed and dress two women!

Spree

You can spend several days in a row with your mistress, or you can even drive a short vacation under the cover of a business trip. Aerobatics – really arrange a trip, so that in the case of calls to work all confirmed your legend. For this you can, for example, honestly agree with the boss. Or to tell about a potential client living in another city and to refuse from salary and daily allowance, “if the matter does not burn out”. Of course, it is much easier to invent a business trip that fits into the weekend. If you have been in corporate events, field seminars and refresher courses, your absence will not be challenging. The main thing is to “leave” an inconvenient flight for the wife so that she does not go along with seeing you off to the station or to the airport.

Communications

Phone and computer in our time give you more often than friends or neighbors. Remember: giving one of your favorite women a home phone number is signing your own sentence. And it is better to keep mobile at home all the time with you and transfer to silent (better even without vibration) mode. Minimize any remote communication with the object. In no case do not register on social networks, where there is a mistress, and even in general in any! If you met there, the account is better to delete. It is easier to prove that you have a sudden attack of sociopathy than to keep in mind about clearing the history of messages.

Other stuff

If you are squeezed into a corner and you are compelled to make up lies on the go, use the old proven method: do not invent why it was so late today, but remember why it was once delayed. Retelling a three-year-old case always sounds more convincing than any invention.

About a homeless nephew, have you lied to your wife? Sometimes it can be used as a cover for both late arrivals and unplanned absences. You can fish with him, take him to his grandmother – you can do anything with him! The person in whose existence the wife believes, but who can not meet (and therefore ask), is so good that he will support any of your lies. Real friends in this sense are unreliable: they all confuse and forget.

Ideally, your wife should not know how much you earn. Only in this way you will always have an unlimited amount of unforeseen expenses.

Start a habit, leaving from anywhere (even from your own home), look around yourself with a picky look: are you really so damn attractive and witty that they all go crazy on you? No, I’m not talking about that now! Sometimes even a cursory examination of oneself in the growth mirror helps to find evidence. Are there lipstick prints on shirt or boots?

Controversial advice #4

If funds allow, always keep a duplicate of your favorite shirts and T-shirts at work. The stain of lipstick, contrary to popular belief, it is not always possible to remove gasoline from a lighter …

Not only inspect, but sniff yourself. Doesn’t it smell from you strangers? Give your mistress the same perfume as your wife’s, or teach her to use a man’s one like yours. The same applies to all hygiene products: shower gels, shampoos, massage oils and lubricants. Or even look for your mistress with the aroma and taste of your wife – this is an exciting process.

And last

Instead of an epilogue, I remind you that changing your wife is tiring, expensive, and in the end boring. Over time, you will turn into a gloomy paranoid, constantly sniffing his shirt and convulsively pulling the phone. But everything is changing all around, you say. Get at least the heroes of the series. Well, I will answer you with the words of the most unfaithful of them, Hank Moody: “Whatever you do, do not become like everyone else.”