6 classic military strategies to improve family and personal life

To lure an intractable woman on a date? Incline your wife to lose weight? To spend a joint vacation for your scenario? Great commanders knew how to crank it. And they will teach you.

Even the most problematic relations of a woman are perceived not as a war, but as an espionage operation, a diplomatic challenge. Or rather, a prolonged, extended into adulthood game in which a piglet and a doll came to tea with other toys. The problem is simply different now: there is a suspicion that the piglet is sleeping with the fairy behind her back.

But not to introduce tanks into the game because of such trifles? Men are another matter. As soon as in the relationship there is the slightest tension, they immediately rush into battle. Not necessarily with the woman herself. The status of an enemy can be assigned to her mother, dog, or diet, because of which the devotee was up for sugar and does not put it now even in soup. Alas, you usually fight badly, being naturally mediocre strategists. Having endeavored to defend their interests, the average man can only hit the table with his fist. And if the battle is limited to words, he immediately expands the entire arsenal of arguments and mockery. That is, he resorts to what in military science is called a strategy of crushing.

Is it bad? Yes, bad. Worse, stupid. Even a real war is not always intended to destroy the enemy, with subsequent marches on the fragments of self-esteem. Women, knowing about your front-line approach to solving problems, set traps in advance and prepare ways of retreat. And now you rush home – and the problems are no longer there: the cipher marks are burned, the battlefield has been cleaned, a tasty cake distracting attention is already on the table …

In short, if you are at war with someone, do not immediately go into bayonet and do not open bombs. It is better to master these six classic military strategies, which in the war of the sexes prove to be much more effective than crushing.

Indirect actions

Task: to incline a woman to lose weight

Strategy: Making the enemy change the usual course of action, creating a sense of panic

To say bluntly: “Either you just got stouter, or this new ass fills you,” is tantamount to a war crime. If you want to push a woman to a difficult decision – for example, to increase her breasts or shed a few pounds – an open collision will not lead to anything. At best, she will remind you until the end of her life that you are a monster and “forced” her; at worst, she will resort to measures prohibited by the Geneva Convention. For example, gloatingly feigns that it is a sin to a man to fault a person with a penis of that size like yours.

Sign up for the gym and keep complaining all the time that it seems you have recovered – sooner or later these actions will require symmetric measures from the enemy. Throw in the rear of the demolition men. For example, being at a congress in Milan, call a friend and ask her what size she is. Honestly buy her a thing the size that she called: women are prone to self-deception and often underestimate the numbers. And if the clothes do not fit even on the hips, smeared with badger fat, this is a reason to think.

An even more effective means is to evoke the image of an impending catastrophe. Be warned that in a month you will go to the beach and you are going to take a normal camera from a friend so that the pictures are good and everything is clearly visible on them, and not as usual. Finally, you can resort to quite a dishonest blow to communications and supplies. That is, accidentally breaking the mirror (women are more worried about their appearance when they are unable to see themselves in their usual light and perspective) or break the refrigerator (so that only canned tuna and beans can be stored there, but not sausages and butter).

Limited actions

Task: To eliminate the mother-in-law from family space as much as possible.

Strategy: Expand military action against selected objects or groups. Under the guise of fighting them, get unhindered access to the enemy’s territory

So, you do not like mother-in-law (by the way, a great title for a book). But you can not say it directly, without jeopardizing the relationship with his wife. Output? To declare the enemy not the whole person, but some of his habit or character trait. You can fight with the country, and you can – with drug trafficking on its territory or with a specific dictator. Feel the difference? So it is here.

Her mother as a whole is a beautiful woman, but this is her habit of coming to your home without a prior call … And the refrigerator is constantly clogged with her potato salad, from which, as you suspect, your cat died. Of course, the real motive of your campaign is to fight against “mother” in general, but this is not at all obvious to the civilian population of your apartment.

The gradual squeezing of the enemy from the territory should take place under the specious excuse: “After her visits, you are always so nervous!”. It is only important to find such a line, the struggle with which will maximally weaken the enemy.

By the way, this method works not only in the war with people, but also in trifles. “I do not forbid you to smoke, I just want the child to be born with two hands and five fingers on each.” “It doesn’t matter to me whether you’re cleaning or not. I just love that there is no dust on open surfaces! ”And so on.

Starvartion

Task: To lure an intractable woman on a date

Strategy: Deplete the enemy forces, force him to leave the familiar territory, surrender the key lines of defense

In the writings of many strategists, starvation is always opposed to assault and onslaught. They say that either you are a good fellow and you rush into battle, or you put maneuvers around your opponent, you loom under his nose and drive through the forest until you freeze.

With a woman is not so clear. Get her phone, take a promise to drink a movie (option: see coffee). But sometimes an attack on this chokes. She answers calls one time, postpones dates, flirts sluggishly, but at the same time she doesn’t turn you away. Why? For example, at the first meeting you were unconvincing or she already has someone on “probation”, so she thinks who to turn off — you or a competitor. Versions can be many, but now they are not important, but a strategy.

The four key principles of starvation are:

1. Permanent presence in the zone of visibility of the enemy

Yes, you have her number, but you should also get mail, Facebook or Google chat. You do not impose, no! On the contrary, you broke through these communication channels in order not to distract it with your calls at the wrong time. And you in no way remind of the promised date. You will send the link there, support the conversation here. Everything is witty, easy and regular – to the extent that with time she was already beginning to miss you.

2. Trial strikes designed to identify weaknesses in the defense

Bombing with questions and suggestions should not be a sighting, but a fan. If she refused to go to the cinema, offer a circus, a museum, a real estate fair. Some of the shells will surely sow confusion in the ranks of her head and weaken the defense.

3. Readiness to launch a full-scale campaign at any time.

You never know what kind of replica will make her say “We must see” or “Are you free now?” If at the moment of the fall of her defense you are busy on another front, or if you want to cover the cannons after polishing, everything is lost. A second chance you can no longer give.

4. Disguise of real dangerous actions under the next maneuver

And most importantly. If the prospect of a date scares her, or if it is too obliging – pretend that this is not a date at all. You have a business lunch on Friday afternoon. A jacket and a shirt with an open collar only emphasize this. And yes, you need her advice, because she is the only one of your friends who understands the design of cats, well, or what she understands there …

To be continued!